Friday, September 9, 2011

News Flash: Bashing your husband is NOT cool!

I've had a few people approach me on this subject and it's something that I've seen a lot of myself...I'm new in town and looking for other married women to make friends with, but most of the wives I cross paths with only really talk about, and bond over 1 thing- Husband Bashing! I've only been a wife for a little over 3 months, but I've been my husband's best friend for ~ 7 years, and one thing I know for sure is that husband bashing is NOT cool!

Apparently women have nothing better to talk about, so the theme of morning coffee, afternoon tea, and wive's night out has become "This is how my husband is even worse than yours". Can you believe he did this? Can you believe he said that? He's such an idiot. He's so lazy. Ugh, he's so disgusting! I can't trust him to do anything right with the baby. Why can't he just...

And there are the more general and benign statements as well: "He doesn't appreciate me, He has such a bad temper, He hasn't been very nice lately, We're not really getting along right now, I don't like how he disciplined the children".... But these statements also have lasting effects, and long after you have kissed and made up, your friends will continue to use these statements against your husband.

I have been guilty of joining in on the "fun and games" in the past as well & believe me,  I get it! Our husbands aren't always the most generous, most considerate, most helpful, most handsome, most hygienic people we interact with, but neither are we! Plus, we must have some reason for marrying them in the first place. For me, I love that my husband is:

  • My Best friend
  • Intelligent
  • Hard-Working
  • Pursuing a difficult career so that he can provide a wonderful life for his family
  • My Sous Chef
  • My confidante- I'm sure he'd appreciate the same in me
  • My Fixer- He can solve any problem that I bring to him
  • My Biggest Fan!
  • Going to give me cute little, blonde haired, blue eyed children :) Haha!

I hate that I feel like I'm the rude one or don't fit in when I brag about my husband. "Who does she think she is- talking about her perfect husband all the time? For the record, my husband is not perfect, but he's perfect for me, and I am so proud of him! I think we should start having husband BRAGGING sessions in place of the typical Bashing sessions. I feel like the choice and tone of the words coming out of our mouths dictate our state of mind about whatever we are talking about. How can you possibly LOVE, CHERISH, HONOR & RESPECT your husband on the inside when you are bashing him on the outside? P.S. Do those Capitalized words sound familiar? They were probably part of your wedding vows!!

You made the CHOICE to marry your husband... Now you need to make the CHOICE to wake up every morning and LOVE him, in spite of his faults. Don't you expect him to love you in spite of your faults too?

The next time you're with your friends and they start talking badly about their husbands, chime in with something positive about yours, and remind them how bad they would feel if their husbands were saying the same things about them to their group of guys.

We all have difficulties in our marriages, but we need to bring our concerns to the source-our husbands. If there is something that he's doing that's driving you CRAZY, talk to him about it. Chances are he has no idea that you are so annoyed by him, and he's probably willing to change whatever it is that he's doing to make you happier! I'm sure he'd really respect the fact that you kept your criticism in the home, and didn't make it public.

 If, for some reason he's not willing to talk about it, put it into God's hands. Pray to God to help your husband change his bad habits and pray that God give you a patient, understanding, forgiving heart. We aren't expected to be perfect, all-forgiving souls. But, we are expected to try and to ask God for help when we need it. That's why, in Christian marriages, there are 3 parties involved: You, your husband, and God. If, after trying both of these routes you still feel the need to talk to someone about whatever is bothering you, pick one person whom you trust to not gossip, (a pastor, therapist, sister, etc.) and approach them in a way that says "I need help", not "I hate my husband".

I encourage you to make your own Brag List of the things you love about your husbands. And, the next time he puts the empty milk jug back in the fridge or forgets to take the trash out, think about your BRAG list, not your BASH list and remember why you married him in the first place!

If we SPEAK happy thoughts, we will THINK happy thoughts, and if we think them, we will LIVE them!

Read through this slowly, and absorb every word!
"Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres."
1 Corinthians 13:4-

Prayers for forgiveness and acceptance,


  1. How long have you been married? If less than 10 years I'd love to read this same post then. :)

  2. Very well said... I have been married to my husband for almost 5 yrs and I couldn't agree more. :)

  3. Amen sista. This is a huge part of why I don't spend a lot of time with other women in "real life" and prefer to socialize with Godly women online. There are so few that respect their husbands and don't constantly talk down about them. You're exactly right about feeling like the odd duck out when you don't share in their bashing. I mostly don't talk about how happy I am unless people specifically ask because they do get snippity and make it out like I'm bragging. How sad that it's more acceptable to whine than to be joyful! Anyway, well said!

  4. Please excuse the duplicate comment... I just saw your sidebar. Are you in a study somewhere for Created to be His Helpmeet or are you doing it on your own? I purchased the book and study guide several months ago but paused partway in to it to have a baby and now to do the Good Morning Girls study. If no one else is having a study of the Help Meet book I'd be interested in doing one at some point if you're interested.

  5. I totally love what you wrote. I never bash my husband but instead only say positive things. I am the only one that does this among my friends. To me that is really sad. My mother was a wonderful role model for me on how to be a Godly spouse. I adore my husband and we have been married 39 years!

  6. Thank you all for your comments!

    Marriedtothefarm: Congratulations on your new baby! I am just reading Created to be His Helpmeet on my own, typically 1 chapter/night. I didn't realize there was a study guide. What a great idea! I also just joined a Good Morning Girls group. I'm so Excited for next week!

    Bella: 39 years! that's wonderful! I should be taking advice from you!

  7. I agree--husband bragging instead of bashing. I've experimented bragging when others were bashing and it does change the conversation. I loved your "he's not perfect but he's perfect for me."